"Bill Clinton's autobiography came out today. It's based on a true story."
-- Jay Leno
"Bill Clinton is everywhere now promoting his new book. I believe the last time Clinton did a media blitz like this it was to deny everything that's in this book."
-- David Letterman
"Bill Clinton's book went on sale today at long last. Earlier today hundreds of people waited outside of Barnes and Noble in the pouring rain for a chance to meet Bill Clinton. When asked if she minded the rain, one woman said, 'I'm meeting Bill Clinton. I just assumed my dress would get ruined.'"
"I just read Bill Clinton's book. Hundreds of affairs, thousands of lies, lawsuits, subpoenas and then I got to page two."
"Former President Clinton is everywhere right now. Earlier today Oprah Winfrey asked Bill Clinton if he has talked to Monica Lewinsky since the affair. Clinton responded, 'Are you kidding? I didn't talk to her during the affair.'"
"A thousand people waited in line for an autographed copy of Bill Clinton's book. There was pushing, there was shoving, there was groping and that's just when Bill signed your book."
"Bill Clinton was on 'Oprah' talking about the book. I guess tomorrow he's on Maury Povich doing one of those paternity test shows. In two days he's been on '60 Minutes,' he's been on 'Oprah,' tomorrow he's on 'Larry King.' The only thing he hasn't been on lately is Hillary."
"I loved it when Bill Clinton told Dan Rather the worst day of his life was the day he told Hillary the truth. Well, of course, it was. The first time you try anything it's always going to be difficult."