Resident Evil 2.

I can't say it's a good movie. The script is extremely fragmented, atrocious and the plot is perhaps one of the worst ever conceived.

The director's idea of scary is to have something jump up out of nowhere while amplifying a shriek sound 300% to try to make you jump. I've been to Halloween spook houses that were scarier. No one jumped because of a fright, but everyone did have a reflexive kneejerk reaction pretty much the same way you would have if someone blasted an air-horn in your ear. Ear plugs… seriously. I've been to heavy metal rock concerts with fewer decibels, and they don't hit you with all the sound right at once either.

The action was predictable, yet at the same time filmed in such a way as to never even actually let you see it. This cat tried to do that "If I shake the hell out of the camera, the audience will think they are 'in' the movie" thing, but only during fight scenes. Any special effort the makeup and special effects may have made were totally wasted because the camera never - and I mean never - focused on a zombie for even a second. The one monster that the camera did focus on? A Hell Knight from Doom 3. I'm not kidding. Oh, there was more from Id Software's game… Imps from Doom 3 in a church scene. That was clever of them to put them in a church… was it? No, maybe it wasn't.

The lack of any original thought in the entire movie was stunning. But I can't tell for sure if it was really a lack of originality or just a movie homage to Doom 3 and Aliens 4.

Did I mention things jumping out of nowhere? This includes the main characters popping up right behind other main characters when they were last on the other side of the building, town, city… whatever… and then "BOO!" they are right behind the character currently in focus. One would think such actions would cause some friendly fire incidences. Either there is a very strange rift in the space/time continuum, or there are severe errors in this movie thanks to a director who seems to have been filming while smoking an unprecedented amount of high grade Columbian weed. Could be both. I'm not sure. I was left with the feeling that it might have been myself that had smoked a lot of weed. Maybe it's just that this flick would have been better if I had. I can't tell.

Oh, about the Director... This seems to be his first movie. All his other films he is only the second unit director. This explains a lot. I don't think I'd put him as the front man on any more pictures. At least not any real movie. Maybe some other videogame based movie... maybe... like Mrs. Pac-Man. With his vomit inducing shaking camera technique he could really add some drama to that feature... like when the ghosts are hot on Mrs. Pac-Man's heels. Wacka wacka wacka wacka. Tense!
It's not that I don't like Alexander Witt... it's just that I want to poke him in the eye with a pointy stick, that's all. Nothing personal.

I can't say it's a bad movie either. Well, if anything, it was certainly better than the first Resident Evil movie. Some effects were pretty good. I guess… couldn't really get a good view of them thanks to a Camera Man with palsy. Lots of cool guns to be sure. The place was just brimming with cool guns. The movie had a handful of good one liners… such as when a red paint drenched Doberman Pincer was shot and killed and the character then ordered it to "Stay".
Wait, was that a good line or was it an incredibly stupid line and I'm just grasping at straws find something positive to say?
Honestly, I can't tell.
Okay, one good line? There was one. A character who is given to us as a civilian is offered a weapon by another character who is given us as a cop of some sort. The civilian looks at it and says "Please…" making you think for just a second he is like a pacifist pussy or something. Then he says "My stuff is custom" and opens up his jacket to reveal a pair of gold plated Desert Eagles. Uh huh… real custom. Still, it was a good line. Doesn't sound that good now that I say it, but… uh… oh forget it. I just had to have seen it. Never mind.

Okay, is there anything worthwhile in this flick? Yes. Milla Jovovich is cool as hell. While some guys think she is hot, I'm afraid she doesn't do anything for me, even if she was the "Perfect Being" from 5th Element. She's not ugly… I'm not saying that. She's just not… well, she's just not. So what is so cool about Milla?
She does some good action. On screen she comes off as fast and smart. She could probably (if the movie called for it) take down Jet Li.
But why is this important and makes Resident Evil 2 worth seeing? Because Milla is going to be in another movie coming out soon called "Ultraviolet" that is directed by my favorite director, Kurt Wimmer. Kurt directed "Equilibrium" and if you haven't seen that movie yet, you are missing out. Resident Evil 2 is perhaps giving us a taste of what Milla is going to be doing in Ultraviolet. That, and that alone is why Resident Evil 2 is worth seeing.