[SpecialEd]

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears The
only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all
the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he
couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West
Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli
soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight
into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of
football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the
coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his
mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says."You are no longer my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've
won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands
of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there
are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your
two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and
I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The
old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,


"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!"

 

[Snake45]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That's now tied for My Favorite Jewish Football Joke of All Time. (Well, how many are there, anyway?)

Q: Who was the first Jew awarded the Heisman Trophy?

A: Fred Goldman.


(If you don't know who Fred Goldman is, google it.)

 

[stand watie]

SpecialEd,

ROTFLMRAO.

yours, sw

 

[CaptainGyro]

I once asked a United pilot how he liked being based in Chicago. His reply:

"Well, Chicago is perfect for New Yorkers who enjoy the crime and the traffic but are looking for a colder climate."

 

[stand watie]

CaptainGyro,

Fwiw, I've been to Chicago exactly ONCE & that was too often.

yours, sw

 

[SpecialEd]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That's now tied for My Favorite Jewish Football Joke of All Time. (Well, how many are there, anyway?)

Q: Who was the first Jew awarded the Heisman Trophy?

A: Fred Goldman.

(If you don't know who Fred Goldman is, google it.)

It took me a moment but I got it. :grin:

 

[TommyGunn]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That's now tied for My Favorite Jewish Football Joke of All Time. (Well, how many are there, anyway?)

Q: Who was the first Jew awarded the Heisman Trophy?

A: Fred Goldman.

(If you don't know who Fred Goldman is, google it.)

Is he related to Oscar Goldman?

 

[Snake45]

No.

 

[csmkersh]

But he could tell you about knives.

 

[William R. Moore]

I spent a year at O'Hare airport one night on a missed connection. When I had to do my trip report I noted that we didn't have any employees who deserved to have to pass through Chicago.

 

[WaltGraham]

I attended an AWS show there with a process engineer from Tenneco with whom I used to shoot.

The first day of the show we acquired a bunch of invites to the numerous post show hospitality suites there at the Hilton, several of which we visited that evening. My engineer pal didn't get out much, being married with children, so he proceeded to eat a little and drink a lot of everything.

A couple of hours later he was hammered and we were helping him to an elevator and thence to his room since the rest of us were headed for the House of Blues. His stomach rebelled in the lift and he proceeded to decorate a corner of it. We got to his floor and told an elderly couple who were waiting that perhaps another car would be a better choice. I had a moment of sympathy for the poor soul that had to service that mess.

The engineer stuck pretty close to the room for the rest of our stay.