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The lawyer story

A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental
agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home.
But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new home.

When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because
they felt that the children would destroy the place. He couldn't say he had no
children, because he couldn't lie. We all know lawyers cannot and do not lie.

So, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.
He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate

He loved one of the homes and the price was right -- the agent asked:
"How many children do you have? He answered: "Twelve"
The agent asked, "where are the others?"

The lawyer, in his best courtroom sad look answered "They're in the cemetery with their mother."


It's not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words...and
don't forget: most politicians are lawyers!

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My Dad was an attorney, and I got to see him carefully choose words on many occasions. One of the first that I remember was when he took me to visit my Mom in the hospital after she'd given birth to one of my brothers. I was eleven, and the hospital had pretty strict policy that kids had to be at least twelve to visit the maternity ward.

As we emerged from the elevator opposite the nurses' station, one of the nurses immediately asked my Dad, "How old is this young man?"

Without skipping a beat or a step my Dad replied in his most stentorian tone, "He is in his twelfth year."

Well, OK then.

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Old lawyer joke.......

A wealthy eccentric client asked his lawyer to insure all his money was buried with him.
First, he hated his family and didn't want them to have it, and second he actually did "Want to take it with him".

Came the day to bury the recently deceased and the family was wailing about the lost money, but the lawyer stood firm.

After the family left one of the cemetery workers asked the lawyer how much money the guy had.
$10,000,000 replied the lawyer.
"WHAT" the worked asked. That coffin wasn't heavy enough to hold a body and that much money. Did you steal it"?

"NO" said the lawyer, we lawyers are honest and moral people".
"I'll have you know that my personal check for the entire $10,000,000 was in the coffin".
Lawyers part two.

A young lawyer was hired to help a wealthy older woman set up her will.
She specified so much money to this charity and that family member, and full details on how the bulk of her fortune was to be spent on a lavish funeral.

After all the work was done she rather shyly looked at the young lawyer and told him that she'd never been married, or ever been with a man.
She said that she had several thousand dollars left after all the other details and she was wondering if the lawyer might know of a nice gentleman who might consent to introduce her to sex before she died.
The young lawyer was rather embarrassed but said he'd do what he could.

Later that day he was talking to his wife about this and asked her what she thought.
The wife said that just starting out with their life was difficult do to lack of money, and that since their marriage was very secure, she wouldn't have a problem in the marriage if the lawyer himself attended to the request.

So, the lawyer contacted the old lady and she agreed that he'd do, so next morning the lawyer had his wife drop him off at the ladies house.
He told her not to stay parked in front of the house to avoid nosy neighbors, that she should come back in one hour and honk the horn.

An hour later the wife pulled up in front of the older ladies house and honked.
The upstairs window opened and the unclothed lawyer leaned out and shouted......
"Come back tomorrow honey, she's decided to let the county bury her".
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