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3,289 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My daughter sent me this in an e-mail. Thought it was worth sharing...

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

285 Posts
Thanks. I posted that right over their bed where they allow me to sleep... :D

4 Posts
A list for all of us that have K-9 family members. Have always felt sorry for those people that treat their dogs like dogs. They miss out of so much. Who needs an entertainment center when you have K-9's!!!

7,286 Posts
Cats -n- dogs

We're down to two dogs and no cats at the present time. We lost a dog at the beginning of the summer due to uncontrollable seizures. It was devastating. Couldn't imagine living without critters around.

BTW, Walt. I just loved that picture of your pug. I will get some pics of our two dogs to post soon.



P.S. My Avatar pic is "Tucker the Man" he is 7 years old.

Premium Member
3,987 Posts


Sorry folks, but a girl I dated recently for three years has a pug. I fell in love with the breed. Even though as far as keeping pets, I've always been a cat/snake man (one of each right now), if I ever finish getting my life together, . . .


Now, where's that pug picture? Awright chooguys, stop holding out, where's the pug?

Under the rug?

Chasing a bug?

In the bed all snug?

Ready for a hug?

Where's the pug?

236 Posts
The one about the doorbell amazes me---my 12 yr old lab mix has lived in the same house (without a doorbell) for his whole life, but when a doorbell sounds on tv or radio he goes ballistic and heads for the front door...where do they get this stuff?

Dog Haikus

Dog Haiku (circulating on the net c1997)

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts-I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush . Hello, Spot-
Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I Hate my choke chain.
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot-no greater bliss-well,
Maybe catching rats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

The cat is not all
Bad-she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence-why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more-I call
Them a vocation.

My owners' mood is
Romantic-I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.

I drool on command
Share your dinner or get damp
The supply- endless!

In your next lifetime
When you have found happiness
I'm there with a hose

In vision, how like
an Angel, In form, like a God
holding the can-opener.

What is it?" Unknown.
all that I know: It was yours,
and now it is mine.

I am the Wolf
who lives for the Man who
never kills anything.

The fuzzy-tailed rat
Has run up a tree, chattering.
Life is so unfair.

Men often have two dogs and rarely have two wives.

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
6. A dog's parents never visit.
7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
10. Dogs seldom outlive you.
11. Dogs can't talk.
12. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.
25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus.

And, last but not least:

26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff
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