[Fernando Coelho]

Full Metal Jacket

Private Joker - "A day without blood is like a day without sunshine."

Door Gunner - "Anyone who runs is V.C. Anyone who stands still is well-disciplined V.C."
Private Joker - "How can you shoot women and children?"
Door Gunner - "Easy... you don't lead 'em so much. [laughs] Ain't war hell?!"

Da Nang Hooker - "Hey, you got girlfriend Vietnam? Me so horny. Me love you long time."

Private Joker - "The dead know only one thing: it's better to be alive."

Private Joker - "Are those... live rounds?"
Private Gomer Pyle - "Seven-six-two millimeter. Full metal jacket."

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor -

"Hell I like you, you can come over to my house and fuck my sister."

"God has a hard on for Marines, because we kill everything we see. He plays His games, we play ours. To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls. God was here before the marine corps, so you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the corps!"

"Today you people are no longer maggots. Today you are Marines. You're part of a brotherhood."

"There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on *******, *****, **** or greasers. Here, you are all equally worthless."

"Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker who just signed his own death warrant?"

"Jesus Christ Pyle, don't try too hard. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there, wouldn't he?"

"Were you born worthless, or did you have to work at it?"

"Private Pyle, I'm gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fuckin' seconds, to wipe that stupid lookin' grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you!"

"What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?"

"Pyle, you climb obstacles like old people fuck!"

"You will give your rifle a girl's name because this is the only p**** you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary J. Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over!"

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor - "How tall are you, private?"
Pvt. Cowboy - "Sir, five-foot-nine, sir!"
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor - "Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high."

Private Joker - "I wanted to meet stimulating and interesting people of an ancient culture, and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill."

Marines - [Chanting] "This is my rifle. [Grabbing their crotches.] This is my gun. This is for fighting, and this is for fun."

 

[Fernando Coelho]

Rain Man

[in a pancake restaurant] Charlie Babbitt - "Okay, Ray, we've got blueberry, buckwheat, all flavors, what kind do you want?"
Raymond Babbitt - "Pancakes."
Charlie Babbitt - "I know, but what kind?"
Raymond Babbitt - "Pancakes."

[Location: telephone booth with door closed.] Raymond Babbitt - "Uh-oh fart. Uh-oh fart."
Charlie Babbitt - "What? Raymond, did you just fart? Did you just fucking fart?!"
Raymond Babbitt - "Uh-oh fart."
Charlie Babbitt - [trying unsuccessfully to open door] "Raymond, how can you stand that?!"
Raymond Babbitt - "I don't mind it, really."

Charlie Babbitt - "Get the hell in this car!"
Raymond Babbitt - "Yeah, get in the car. 'Course I have to be in bed by eleven. Lights out at eleven. Have to watch TV. Now it's almost 19 minutes to eleven, lights out."

Doctor - "Ray, do you know how much a candy bar costs?"
Raymond Babbitt - "'Bout a hundred dollars."
Doctor - "Do you know how much one of those new compact cars costs?"
Raymond Babbitt - "'Bout a hundred dollars."

 

[Fernando Coelho]

Top Gun

Goose - "No. No, Mav, this is not a good idea."
Lt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell - "Sorry Goose, but it's time to buzz a tower."

Goose - "Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit!"

Viper - "Good morning, gentlemen, the temperature is 110 degrees."
Wolfman - "Holy shit, it's Viper!"
Lieutenant Nick "Goose" Bradshaw - "Viper's up here, great... oh shit..."
Lt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell - "Great, he's probably saying, "Holy shit, it's Maverick and Goose."
Goose - "Yeah, I'm sure he's saying that."

Slider - "Goose who's butt did you kiss to get in here anyway?"
Goose - "The list is long, but distinguished."
Slider - "Yeah, well so is my Johnson."

Goose - "The defense department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid."

Hondo - "Your ego is writing checks your body can't cash."

Maverick - "I feel the need..."
Maverick, Goose - "...the need for speed!"

 

[Fernando Coelho]

Ronin

Spence - "You worried about saving your own skin?"
Sam - "Yeah, I am. It covers my body."

[Sam accepts a cigarette offered by Vincent.] Sam - "So, are you labour or management?"
Vincent - "If I were management, I would not offer you a cigarette!"

Sam - "Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt. That's the first thing they teach you."
Vincent - "Who taught you?"
Sam - "I don't remember. That's the second thing they teach you."

Spence - "You ever kill anybody?"
Sam - "I hurt somebody's feelings once."

Sam - "I never walk into a place I don't know how to walk out of."

Sam - "So, how'd you get started in this business?"
Dierdre - "A wealthy scoundrel seduced and betrayed me."
Sam - "Same with me. How about that?"

 

[Fernando Coelho]

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Austin Powers -"That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!"

Austin - "Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?"

Scott - "I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!"
Dr. Evil - "Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly."

Alotta Fagina - "In Japan, men come first and women come second."
Austin - "Or sometimes not at all."

Austin Powers - "Well, no offense, but if that is a woman it looks like she was beaten with an ugly stick!"

Austin Powers - "Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich."

Dr. Evil - "Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?"

Austin Powers - "Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?"

 

[Fernando Coelho]

Four Weddings and a Funeral

Young Bridesmaid - "What's bonking?"
Scarlett - "Well, it's kinda like table tennis, only with slightly smaller balls."

Tom - "Splendid, I thought. What did you think?"
Bernard - "I, thought, splendid! What did you think?"
Tom - "Splendid, I thought."
Charles - "How do you do, my name is Charles."
Old man - "Don't be ridiculous, Charles died 20 years ago!"
Charles - "Must be a different Charles, I think."
Old man - "Are you telling me I don't know my own brother!"
Charles - "No, no."

Charles - "Marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation."
Gareth - "The definitive icebreaker."

Tom - "I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and, um, settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that."

Tom - "The great advantage of having a reputation for being stupid: People are less suspicious of you."

Father Gerald - "In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spigot."

Carrie - "Our timing has been very bad."
Charles - "Yes it has been. Very bad."
Carrie - "It's been a disaster."
Charles - "It has been, as you say, very bad indeed."

 

[Fernando Coelho]

Grumpier Old Men

John Gustafson - "Pop, I wish you'd try the low-fat bacon."
Grandpa Gustafson - "Well, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first."

Mama Ragetti - "We could have retired in Hawaii!"
Grandpa Gustafson - "I have been to Hawaii."
Mama Ragetti - "Oh yeah? Which island?"
Grandpa Gustafson - "Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya."
Mama Ragetti - "I find you disgusting."
Grandpa Gustafson - "Well, just as long as you find me!"

[After Allie swallows a quarter.] Grandpa - "Relax. Kids swallow quarters all the time."
Melanie - "Really?"
Grandpa - "Sure. If she craps out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying."

Maria - "I haven't been with a man for a long time."
Max Goldman - "Me neither."

Max - "I am the gangster of love"
John - "Gangster, huh? So tell me, was it more of a hold up than a stick up?"
Max - "Even your infantile penis jokes seem funny and witty this morning."

 

[Fernando Coelho]

Enter the Dragon

Bruce Lee - "Don't think, feel. It is like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger, or you will miss all the heavenly glory."

Longstreet

Bruce Lee [to James Franciscus] - "Empty your mind. Be formless, shapeless. Like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. You put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend."

The Big Boss

Bruce Lee - "Want a fight, I'll take you on."

 

[Fernando Coelho]

Cannonball Run

Brock Yates [about Dean Martin & Sammy Davis Jr.] - "Those guys are more juiced up than that Ferrari."

Burt Reynolds to Dean Martin - "If I had the time, I'd take these rosary beads, and shove them up your nose!"

Dean Martin - "We specialize in blessing Zen Buddhists."

Dean Martin to Sammy Davis Jr. - God is our co-pilot? Remember our car? Two seats! Where's he gonna sit? Where's he gonna sit?

Sammy Davis Jr - "Why'd he call me shortie?"
Dean Martin - "Cause your small, small, S-M- all.

"I'm Dr. Nicholas Van Helsing, doctor of proctology and other related tendencies. I'm a graduate of the University of Rangoon, as well as assorted nightclasses at the Knoxville, Tennessee College Of Faith Healing."

 

[Harbinger]

Wuz gonna post, but I see you've covered them all.

 

[Fernando Coelho]

Please feel free to step in. My eyeballs are hangin out. :ek:

 

[Fernando Coelho]

Adding a voice to the quotes...

Since it's Christmas time, thought I'd find some timeless quotes from some of the classics.

Here goes...

Miracle on 34th Street

 

[Fernando Coelho]

It's A Wonderful Life

 

[Fernando Coelho]

How The Grinch Stole Christmas

 

[Fernando Coelho]

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

 

[Fernando Coelho]

more from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

 

[Fernando Coelho]

Looney Tunes

 

[Fernando Coelho]

It's that time of year again!

 

[skslover]

I don't have a clip of it, but yesterday I saw this on a Benny Hill rerun on BBC America:

"She's got a lovely pair of 38s backed up by a pair of .45s!"

Hmmm...Now that's a woman!