Joined
·
3,289 Posts
These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US Corporation.
1- "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.... and has started to dig."
2- "His men would follow him anywhere, ... but only out of morbid curiosity."
3- "I would not allow this employee to breed."
4- "This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."
5- "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
6- "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
7- "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
8- "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
9- "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
10- "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
11- "This employee should go far... and the sooner he starts, the better."
12- "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
13- "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
14- "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
15- "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
16- "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
17- "He's been working with glue too much."
18- "He would argue with a signpost."
19- "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
20- "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
21- "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
22- "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, ..... he's the other one."
23- "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
24- "A prime candidate for natural deselection."
25- "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
26- "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming"
27- "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
28- "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
29- "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
30- "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."
31- "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."
32- "One neurone short of a synapse."
33- "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; ..... he only gargled."
34- "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
35- "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"
1- "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.... and has started to dig."
2- "His men would follow him anywhere, ... but only out of morbid curiosity."
3- "I would not allow this employee to breed."
4- "This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."
5- "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
6- "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
7- "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
8- "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
9- "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
10- "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
11- "This employee should go far... and the sooner he starts, the better."
12- "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
13- "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
14- "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
15- "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
16- "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
17- "He's been working with glue too much."
18- "He would argue with a signpost."
19- "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
20- "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
21- "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
22- "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, ..... he's the other one."
23- "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
24- "A prime candidate for natural deselection."
25- "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
26- "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming"
27- "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
28- "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
29- "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
30- "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."
31- "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."
32- "One neurone short of a synapse."
33- "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; ..... he only gargled."
34- "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
35- "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"
