You might be a squid if...

Squid

Hey, some of these aren't squidly!

You have a nitrous oxide kit installed on your street bike, or a turbo, or a supercharger for that matter.
There's nothing wrong with horsepower. Hell, the CX500 and CX650 Turbo are FACTORY turbocharged bikes.

You don't use an O-ring chain.
Chain? What's that? Oh, right. Driveshaft all the way, baby.

You ever parked your bike on asphalt on a hot summer day and the kickstand dug into the soft pavement causing your bike to fall over.
Well, it didn't fall ALL the way over. It was just at a considerable angle...

You never get your bike out of second gear in the city.
I dunno about you guys, but my V65's 2nd gear tops out at 80mph. I might use 3rd sometimes... SOMETIMES in the city, but it's mostly 1st and 2nd.

You ever installed a fender eliminator kit.
Have you SEEN the butt-ugly chrome rear sub fender on a 86-87 Yamaha FZX 700 Fazer?

You ever bought any dress-up items for your bike from J.C. Whitney & Co.
Hey, I ride a cruiser, and JC Whitney sells some decent stuff. Stuff by major companies like Custom Chrome, Cobra, National Cycle, and MC Enterprises. Most of the stuff is pretty decent. Check out my reviews on the items I've purchased here: http://www.cxboard.netfirms.com/jcw

You wear a cheap helmet.
DOT is DOT and SNELL is SNELL. So what If I only pay $120 for my full face. I don't need wizbang doodads or uber quiet helmets.

Your bike has braided hoses and brake lines.
Hmmm... my bike was built in 1984. My stock rubber brake lines were 20 years old this year. New brake lines from the Honda dealer cost $240. New braided stainless lines from v4honda.com are $99. Which would you choose? (Besides, they do work SIGNIFICANTLY better than stock rubber lines)

You ever let someone patch your performance radial tire with a plug.
Hey, I just dropped $150 on a new radial tire, and 200 miles later picked up a nail. I plugged it on the road and then I had a dealership install an internal patch. Lasted me 6000 miles until it was time for a new tire.

You've ever bought cheap tires.
Hey, my other bike (CX500 chopper) isn't exactly a performance bike. With the 8" over tubes and radically raked steering head, I think tires are the least of my worries. Lets just say I drive this one slow.

You've never oil your chain.
Yeah, there's that driveshaft thing again... I just replace my final drive gear oil every 2 years or 60k, whichever comes first.

Your bike alarm makes annoying sounds when activated.
Does "doop-deep!" count?

You use cheap gas ( 90 octane or weaker)
My V65 Magna is rated for 87 octane gasoline. Anything else and gas mileage and horsepower drops. HIGH OCTANE DOES NOT MEAN BETTER QUALITY! HIGH OCTANE DOES NOT MEAN MORE PERFORMANCE! That's a myth perpetuated by oil companies and furthered by public ignorance! A carburated engine will run best on the gasoline it was designed for. Unless it is fuel injected and has advanced knock sensors, using higher octane gasoline will only result in excess carbon deposits in your combustion chamber. OCTANE IS A COMBUSTION INHIBITOR!!!! It slows down the flame front and makes the air/fuel mix more difficult to light in order to combat preignition! High octane gas will not completely burn in an engine designed to run on 87! That leaves deposits behind. Run the lowest octane you can so long as the bike does not ping.

You ever mounted auxiliary driving lights on your front fork.
On the sliders, or under the triple tree? I have a set mounted under my triple tree, adn they makes me more visable during the day, and I can see the road better at night. They look classy too. So sue me.

Charles.